Dear A-Rod:

Everyone on the planet knows that you are now a free agent.  Scott Boras’ badly timed announcement took care of that.  As a fan of the Seattle Mariners I would like to ask if you would please sign with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

I understand that you may be confused by a Mariners fan asking you to sign with the best team in their division.  Since I accept that you are the best player of this generagion, wouldn’t signing with the Angels be a bad thing for my beloved M’s?  I’m not so sure, for one big reason: like William H. Macy in the movie, you’re a cooler.  For some reason, the teams you play for seem to have success only when you’re not there.  Don’t believe me, Alex?  Let’s take a look.

You started your career with my Mariners.  Those were the days, eh, Alex?  Nobody taking photos of you with women other than your wife, fans cheering as you walked to the plate with “Who let the Dogs Out?” blared through Safeco Field….good times, Alex.  The team made the playoffs a couple of times but it wasn’t until you lied to the fans of Seattle and signed with the Texas Rangers that my M’s won a record 116 games.  The two years after that, Seattle won an impressive 93 games each.

Your leadership and $25 million annual salary catapulted the last place Texas Rangers from 74 wins to….75 wins.  That was followed by 73 wins in your second year there.  Then the team skyrocketed to 76 wins in year three.  $25 million per year doesn’t buy what it used to, I guess.  Incidentally, the year after you left the Rangers won 84 games.

After your stint in Texas you signed with the mighty Yankees.  This was a team that had gone to the World Series in 6 of the previous 8 seasons, winning it four times.  This was a team that had been torturing and pounding on the Boston Red Sox for 86 years.

What happened in your first year there, Alex?  Boston comes back from a 3-0 defecit in the American League Championship Series to win it over your Yankees (that has not been done before or since).  The Sox go on to win the World Series and break the most storied curse in baseball lore–the Curse of the Bambino.  In next three years your Yankees did not win a playoff series, while Boston has won yet another championship.

Now you’re looking for a new team, which means I’ll be looking for Rick Tocchet or Tim Donaghy.  I’m looking to bet a lot of money on the Yankees winning the World Series next year.

Nobody’s doubting you’re the best player in the game, Alex, or that you’re worth the money.  However, as a Mariner fan, I’m begging you to sign with the Angels.  Think of it as a chance to make up for the way you left Seattle in 2000.  Your signing in Anaheim will no doubt do wonders for my Mariner’s chances in the years to come.

Sincerely,

Bluenoser